Wednesday, December 18, 2013

The relief because of theft.

So remember how I told you about my mom's house. The one thing I wasn't able to really talk about was the sense of relief I felt because someone else took some control away. I still don't think I am doing it justice but because my sewing machine isn't working I thought I would try to explain it.
Let's first talk about the sewing machine. My mother and I bought it for me sometime in the 90's it is a really sturdy machine it's a Necchi student model. It can and has sewn through wood yard sticks and a few other things sewing machines shouldn't. I started my first business with it and I made many things for my loved ones with it. But it is very fidgety it takes at least 5 mins to warm up, what I mean is it takes a few minutes before it sews well, until then it makes what my family has refer to as muppet hair. The bobbin tension just sucks, but then it's fine. But because MY MOTHER bought it for me I have yet to been able to give it up.

Now the house- you all know my mom was a hoarder, and collector of fine a beautiful things. Yet my mother and I had different tastes sometimes it overlapped but rarely. I had a few collections yet at her house like my nutcracker collection, which I just realized 3 days ago is gone. And you know what I'm good with it. It was a collection I hadn't thought of in the 13 years I've lived up here. The theft of many of mom's and my possessions including my 115 year old sewing machine that I didn't know what to do with is freeing. I have many things that my mother bought me that I still own that are coming to the end of their life like the countless pairs of work socks that she has bought me that I can't let go of, and now this sewing machine. With the dispersal of the money from her estate OceanEdge and I have already started looking at a new all in one sewing machine.

I didn't have to say I didn't want something it was just taken away from me. There are somethings now that they are missing, appear to mean more to me like my father's chief blanket. But on the whole i feel good and free. Sometimes it's good not to be in control.

I asked my mothers best friend forever in august if she wanted any of my mother's hand throw pottery and she told me that she didn't need anything to remember her by. This simple, perfect, statement still brings tears to my eyes I wish I was there, I still collect things around me to remind me. But I'm closer.

All this is because my sewing machine sucks and I want a new one but feel too emotionally attached to it to get rid of it.